Microsoft's New Euphemism
It's not a bug...
Most everyone has heard the old joke about when software doesn't work right: "It's not a bug, it's a feature!" Well apparently Microsoft, tired of being the frequent butt of that joke, has used their considerable resources to develop a more impressive sounding euphemism for when a flaw is found in one of their programs, but which they have no intention of fixing. I was introduced to this after reporting a bug in Outlook to Microsoft Support.So the new phrase is (drumroll, please): "by-design imperfect feature".
Take a moment for that to sink in; if you try to make sense of it too quickly, you may give yourself a brain cramp.
Having pondered this new concept in software design, the only conclusion I can arrive at is that Microsoft has made the business decision that they do not want their products to be perfect. Of course, everyone knows that nothing is perfect, but the concept of striving for imperfection is sheer brilliance! Now, every time you are frustrated by a Microsoft program exhibiting some aberrant behavior, you can be comforted in knowing that it may not be a mistake, but by design.
Perhaps Microsoft does this out of a concern for our well-being. After all, after years of working with their software, we've come to expect a certain level of imperfection in any of their programs. To not maintain this level (i.e.: giving us a program that actually worked perfectly), might cause us considerable anxiety. It's like when you're watching a thriller, and you know that because things are going a little too well, something really bad is about to happen.
Here you can read the emails between me and Microsoft Support.
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Hardware
If you are a programmer, or work in any type of support capacity, you may find this phrase to be very useful in avoiding quite a bit of annoying work in fixing problems. To that ends, I have memorialized this phrase on some office hardware. After all, if you try using this with your boss, he may think that you're a smart-mouth malcontent. So what could be better than, say, a coffee mug to lend it an air of legitimacy. It can mean the difference between a reprimand and a promotion! So check out the store. I'll be adding new items soon.